I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
