Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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