Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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