i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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