The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
