Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
