Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
