they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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