do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
