Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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