Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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