My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
