my phone needs a breathalizer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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