Can i not drive my cunt home
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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