You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
