can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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