She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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