I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
