So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
