Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i think i just lost a toe
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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