last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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