You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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