Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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