If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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