Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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