i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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