we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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