Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
