I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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