We need to rekindle our bromance
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
