We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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