So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
