So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
