are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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