i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
