During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
