im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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