tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
