dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
