I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
