Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
