Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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