let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
