her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
