every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
