I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My liver just broke up with me...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
