Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
