She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
