i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
