He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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