well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
