Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
