end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
