god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
