i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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