Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
