They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
