I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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