Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
